Salam Eidul Adha

Selamat hari raya Aidil Adha.
semoga yang menunaikan ibadah haji tahun ini beroleh haji yang mabrur.
semoga yang menjalankan ibadah korban tahun ini diterima korbannya di sisi Allah.
dan semoga yang lainnya - termasuk empunya diri - sama-sama menghayati nilai dan memahami erti pengorbanan di hari raya Korban ini...

The lingering dilemma of the lingerie purchase...

Women in Saudi must still buy their bras and undies from male sales staff. While many finds it annoying, they don't have much choice because only men are hired as sales staff in most retail stores . So they have men selling g-strings to women, and grabbing push-up bras from the rack when customers complain that they need to push up sagging bosoms.

Ewww...

No wonder modern Saudi women buy their lingerie online or when they go abroad.

Apparently, it's not an easy situation for male sales staff too, as some finds it embarrassing to admit that they work in a lingerie shop.

One 21-year-old Saudi man who works in a lingerie chain called "Women's
Secret" is too embarrassed to tell his friends.

"I swear before I took this job, I never even went into these stores with my sisters and family because I was too embarrassed and now I work in one," he said.

"I told my buddies I am still unemployed and those of them who know I work think I work in a regular store," he added. "I can't allow anyone to see me in this store, it's too embarrassing. I'd rather they think I'm unemployed."

Here in Malaysia, I believe most women still buy their bras and undies from fellow female. But some find it embarrassing to shop for lingerie with men around. And it happens from time to time - men going to the lingerie shop with a female - sister, mother, daughter, wife - waiting for the women to make their purchases. Some are also consulted before final purchase is made. And some even go there alone to buy bras and undies for their female partner.

Which will make some female customers feel very conscious and uncomfortable merely with their presence. While the women might not subject to making their lingerie purchase from a male (at least in Saudi the women are covered from head to toe with exception of the eyes, so there is no telling how crimson a person's face would turn, being 'forced' to buy such a private piece of clothing from the opposite sex), some feel that there's an element of 'harrassment' to pick or buy a private garment in the presence of members of the different gender.

So, should men be banned from being near lingerie shops or lingerie section in the departmental store? Should they (like Saudi women) resort to buying lingerie online or when they go abroad? (Wacoal in Bangkok for an instance is a lot cheaper and more affordable than they are in Malaysia) If men were banned from entering lingerie shop or being near the lingerie section in the departmental store, it might make lingerie shopping a lot easier for many women. Some friends told me that they would go and kill some time elsewhere before hitting the undies and bras section upon seeing a guy in the vicinity. Especially so if they are browsing through really, really private stuff, like thongs. After all, imagination might run wild too upon seeing a man in the lingerie shop - it might not be so bad if the men who go there alone buy stuff for his wife - what if he's buying them for himself?

Ewww...

Anyway, what is the guideline for a man who wants to surprise his wife with lingerie? Too big and the wife might believe that he thinks of her as fat, and too small will be taken as a hint that he wants her to shed some pounds. Too conservative might lead the wife to believe that she's boring and too raunchy might be considered as trashy.

So, how?

Kenduri oh Kenduri

Hubby's younger brother is getting married next month. The last in the family to finally tie the knot. We just had a pre-kenduri last week - "ground breaking" of sort if the coming kenduri is likened to an "official opening".

All along I tried to chip in where possible - help packing the door gifts, for example (no more traditional 'bunga telur') and sometimes Pakcu, my youngest BIL would ask for my opinion on this and that and I'll share with him what little I know.

Last 2 years, Mak used to share how pening she was in preparing for Abang's wedding. I remember Mak telling me that she thought it would be easier than managing my kenduri because "kenduri sambut menantu" is supposed to be more relaxed but the reality is not as she expected. A Malay wedding reception, whether small or big, bridal or on the groom side, could still cause lots of headache, as well as tension-and-high-blood-pressure-inducing.

So, Pakcu's wedding is no exception. In a way, he's lucky because being the youngest in the family means he has lots of "sponsors". SIL No 1 & 2 'sponsored' the new bedroom set, SIL No 3 sponsored the hantaran (wedding gifts), hubby sponsored the door gifts, BIL no 5 sponsored paper bags for the door gifts and so on and so forth. And lets not even talk about 'sponsors' coming from other relatives and family friends. Yup, the groom is very lucky indeed.

Only that - like any other kenduri - it's not without its share of drama. Already SIL No 3 is unhappy with the groom-to-be's decision to have a pelamin (wedding dais). MIL said the same thing, stressing that none of her 5 kids who got married previously ever had a pelamin during the kenduri. My take?

"Hmm, having a pelamin would be nice for a photo shoot, but it should not be a top priority. No need to spend RM2000 for a temporary pelamin when that RM2000 could be used for more important stuff. But if you are willing to prepare a DIY pelamin - get a nice set of chairs, some beautiful flower arrangements, some nice linen as the background and all for a fraction of RM2000 - by all means, go ahead. And since this is what you want, and not what you need, be prepared to pay for it out of your own pocket, not Mak's. But the final decision must come from Mak. This is her majlis..."

I know, I know - it's the old debate of "whose majlis it is anyway?". The groom wants one thing, the parents another. For me, a wedding kenduri is a majlis for both - the married couple and the respective parents. Ideally, both party must be willing to tolerate and cooperate.

I didn't know that MIL is that stressed about coming wedding until last week, while I was helping with preparation for the pre-kenduri and she sighed, "Mak rasa dulu masa Amin kahwin lagi senang sebab banyak benda Haida yang tolong buatkan..."

Hah, I must admit that I was surprised because I remember my own Mak telling me something along the same line last 2 years. When I asked for clarification, turned out that MIL was still in the dark about lots of stuff - the wedding garments, how many guests from the bridal side will be coming to our kenduri etc. And she was also a bit upset with BIL's 'demands' - the pelamin, 'live' kompang (they played a recorded kompang for us 5 years ago and both hubby and I had nothing to complain about that), expensive photographer and all.

I must admit that for me, hiring a professional photographer, if one can afford it, is highly recommended. MIL argued that what with hubby having a DSLR, he can act as the wedding photographer without incurring much. I kept quiet, but I believe on the wedding day itself, hubby would be busy with entertaining guests and keeping stuff smooth that he would not have much time to act as a photographer.

Talking from my own experience, I am glad I paid for a professional photographer during the bridal side occassions - the akad nikah and the kenduri in Kg Tunku. Hubby said that he would ask his family to take the photos during the 'kenduri sambut menantu' in Seremban. And what do you know? We have two album of photos taken during akad nikah and kenduri in Kg Tunku, and 8 shots in Seremban. 8 amateur shots, if I may add. And you can't really blame the family members - there were hundreds of things need to be done and get done on the kenduri itself.

Pakcu told me that he and his fiancee had agreed to hire one photographer for all three occassions - the akad nikah, the bridal kenduri and the kenduri sambut menantu. Claimed that they scored a good bargain for the photography service as well as 'story book' album and all. Hmm, that sounds reasonable. But I really hope that he's going to work something out with MIL and his sisters, and come to an agreement on the pelamin thingy.

I also hope that he and his fiancee will communicate more with MIL so as not to let her worry about lots of details. Never let her fret unncecessarily. She has enough in her plate already.

By the way, although it has been a tradition of sort for hubby and I to celebrate our anniversary in a place we (or at least one of us) has never been before, this year it seems like we have to postpone it because our anniversary is just 2 days before Pakcu's wedding, insya Allah...

Kyoto - 'revisited'

Reading HE's entry on his trip to Kyoto brought back memories of our own trip in April 2008, more than a year ago.

Truth is, the only place we really visited in Kyoto was Kinkakuji a.k.a. the Golden Pavillion. After all, we did the Kyoto-Osaka-Kobe touch-and-go trip in one day, remember?

I remembered that day we started very early in the morning, to catch the first bus to Tokyo at 6.03 a.m., so as not to miss the second earliest Shinkansen Hikari at 7.03 a.m.

We boarded a 101 (or was it 104?) bus from Kyoto eki. A city bus that simultaneously acts as a sightseeing bus, that announce the name of places of interest along the bus route together with some brief description of each. In English too, mind you, and that's a rare experience in Japan.

Kyoto could be very charming - and one could witness that even during a short trip. There's the ultra modern part and then the old, rustic part; all blended so well that resulted in a charming Kyoto. It's different from the always-busy-and-lively Tokyo, yet it's not that much different. A contradiction in its own way.

Anyway, I remember a group of Nihonjin girls being fascinated with Huzaifah - who was about 2 1/2 year then. He got a lot of attention for having 'huge' 'kira-kira' eyes and showered with lots of attention - free sweets and candy included.

And I remember I had to change Huzaifah in a very public spot (the main viewing area) in Kinkakuji because his disposable diaper was already "terlondeh". I should have changed him in Kyoto eki, but we didn't know where exactly to wait for the bus and by the time we found the bus stand, the queue was already long so we did not want to miss the next bus. I thought it was okay to wait until we reach Kinkakuji to change Huzaifah, but well, my prediction was not exactly right... (Warning - the bus ride is a looong one. But worth it, at least in my opinion)

Kinkakuji is a UNESCO World Heritage site. The entrance ticket cost 400 yen per adult, but nobody could really take their own sweet time there as batches of tourists swarmed in, one after another. It was so crowded at the main viewing area that it was difficult to find one spot to take a family picture without other tourist appearing in the photo (hantu lilin). But once the group of tourists started walking around the grounds, it was not so bad as each of us get a little bit more 'personal' space.

I enjoyed the stroll around the grounds even though it was a bit tricky pushing the stroller along a pebbled path with hilly patches here and there. One cannot walk into the pavillion, cannot wander freely on the grounds and must follow an assigned one-way path, but still, it was lovely. Really. The golden pavillion, the calm lake, the 'islands' with tiny trees and/or bushes in the lake. Funny, but I must admit that it was serene despite the presence of so many tourists.

I think, given a chance I would like to visit other places in Kyoto. So many exotic places waiting to be visited - the Silver pavilion, the verandah without a single nail, the row of little shops selling souvenirs in Nenenomichi area... Maybe even try to shoot a picture of a geisha or maiko walking in Gion.

Some claim that Kinkakuji could be a waste of time - being too far from central Kyoto and not that close to other Kyoto's treasures. Still, I guess we were satisfied to have a taste of Kyoto by visiting Kinkakuji and boarding the city/sightseeing bus that day. Oh - and a macha ice cream at the end of the visit, made a beautiful tip of the iceberg.

Wanita materialistik?

That's the topic discussed in "Chit-chat Pagi" segment on MuzikFm this morning.

The callers on the radio seemed to basically agree that most women are materialistic - to different extent.

1. There are those "pisau cukur" type who will only fall for/date/marry rich guys because they look at the money factor first and foremost. This is the kind that most male callers talked about - the kind that give women a bad name.
2. Then, there are those who expect the guys to have more than them because they don't want to end up being the one to be the bread winner in the family. They feel that if they married those who are beneath themselves, then they are not doing justice to the future children because they fail to choose a responsible father. If they married those who do not earn at least as much as they do if not more, then they are not giving themselves much self respect because they are willing to stoop low and who knows how much lower they have to stoop later on. This group seemed to form the majority of the female callers, parents included ("Saya tak nak lah anak saya kahwin dengan orang yang pangkat dan gaji rendah dari anak saya, nanti apa saya nak jawab kalau orang tanya saya tak sayang anak ke?") .
3. Then, there are a few who believe in 'jodoh and rezeki di tangan Allah'. Yes, it is important that the guy has to be responsible and proves that he is willing to work hard to provide for the family. But who is to say that when you marry someone who doesn't earn that much, it will remain that way for the rest of your life? Who is to say that when you marry someone who earn a lot it will remain that way for the rest of your life? And if that happened, will you leave him just because he doesn't earn as much as he used to?

When Rasulullah married Saidatina Khadijah - she was a millionaire and he was working for her. In other words - she made a lot more than he did, but that did not deter her from marrying him as she fell for his sincerity, honesty, loyalty and good manners. Their marriage remained intact until Saidatina Khadijah passed away. For the duration of their marriage Rasulullah never married another. He only practised polygamy after Saidatina Khadijah passed away (a fact that many Ustaz seems to forget to include in their text when talking about polygamy in Islam) And even when he married others, his wives - including Saidatina Aisyah - were jealous of his deep love for Saidatina Khadijah.

Ah, but then he was a prophet. Maksum. Special.

Personally, I believe in looking more at the guy's attitudes than how much money he has. The attitudes go a long way insya Allah, the money, wallahua'lam. And of course, asking for Allah's guidance through solat istikharah is very important before one agrees to marry anybody. Merely using our head and heart is not enough without Allah's guide, so I believe istikharah is a HUGE factor in determining the 'one'.

I've seen some friends and relatives marrying someone who earns/earned less than themselves but alhamdulillah their marriages remain intact until today. I've seen a lady executive who married her boss' driver. Another lady executive married a clerk in the same office. The wives might be the main bread winner in the family, but both the husbands and wives don't let that bother them much. They both learned to take the meaning of "tolerance", "acceptance" and "respect" to another level compared to other 'common' couples.

So, is it true that most women are (or need to be at least a little) materialistic ?

E-Office for Orang Gomen

Is the Malaysian civil service really ready to adopt the home office concept?

Beginning January 2010, a selected group of 35 Public Works Department (JKR) draughtsmen will start working from home in a pioneer E-office initiative on a trial basis of 3 months. The programme will cease if productivity does not increase.

The KSN was reported as saying, "I also work from home. But I also work from my car, and when I go back to my hometown, I take my work with me. In this age of the Blackberry and Internet, it is not impossible to work from one's home."

Yeah, I know many of us government officers - who were often accused of being lazy and goyang kaki having nothing to do - take our work back home and continue working even at home.
But that's an extension of working at office. Now, now, if this work from home concept is going to be extended to other schemes in the civil service - that'll be like dream come true to many...

But who can actually work from home?
And should some groups in the civil service be given 'priority' of sort to work from home?

We know that for instance - policemen, firemen, doctors, nurses, teachers - can't work from home. So, who can? So far, it seems like the option is only open to those whose work is ICT based - draughtsmen, ICT support, CRM support and other technical persons whose work is all computer-and-internet-based.

Yes, the e-office concept is workable. It might help reducing the need to rent massive workplace, ease road congestion, reduce the burden on civil servants in terms of petrol expenses and travel time and allow them to spend more time with their families. E-office means one has 24 hours at his or her disposal in sorting out the work schedule instead of the usual 9 hours in the office.

Maybe the e-office will work well for 'disabled' civil servants - those who have disabilities due to accidents or are suffering from chronic diseases.

Maybe it'll provide a solution for mothers with small children who still want to work but don't want to spend so much time away from their children, especially when the children are sick and unwell. And yes, it'll be so easy to practise exclusive breastfeeding when the mother is working from home.

Maybe it'll help those who have to take care of sick and elderly parents/siblings/relatives.

And maybe it will work well for those who need to work in "bersunyi-sunyi" condition. The ICT guy/artist who has to come up with creative ideas to produce montage or documentaries for example. The chance to work alone in isolation might be good when one is in a project that requires intense and specific concentration.

So - it seems like a good policy, this e-office thingy. By allowing civil servants to work from home, the government might not lose those who are experts in their respective fields to untimely resignations or premature retirements. If the experts in the respective fields are retained, then this might help ensuring efficiency and boosting productivity in the public service.

Question: What about the control mechanisms to be used so that those who cannot work from home and still have to go to the office will not feel discriminated against those who are allowed to work from home?

Lets say Mr A is a draughtsman who is allowed to work from home, and
Mr B is a technician who has to go to the office.

Mr A might claim that since he works from the office, it's okay for him to go and lepak at Restoran Mamak at anytime he pleases, so long as he submitted all the sheets as required by his office.
Mr B, should him be caught at the same Restoran Mamak during the conventional working hour, could be subjected to disciplinary procedures. Notwithstanding the fact that he has finished all the tasks required from him.

Lets say Ms Y is a IT technician working on a creative montage and allowed to work from home, and Ms Z is a clerk who has to go to the office.

Ms Y might claim that she deserve to go to the shopping mall for a 'retail therapy' during the day after working long nights to produce the said montage.
Ms Z, should she be found undergoing a 'retail therapy' at the mall during office hour could be subjected to disciplinary procedures.

What is the definition of "absence" from work for those who work from home?
How does one apply for official leave when one is working from home?
How to determine the "lenght of time" (tempoh masa) of a person who work at home to be as adequate compared to his or her colleagues who work at the office?
Who is responsible to exercise disciplinary control and supervision over those who work from home?
What if those who work from home immerse themselves with immoral activities, or spend more time doing part-time jobs for additional income then concentrating on their 'real' job, although they get to claim for eletricity/internet connection/telephone bills?
What about the security aspects of those government assets in the E-office? The computers, expensive softwares, web cams, etc?

Personally, I like the idea of working from home.
But how to go about executing it as to be fair to everybody in the civil service still bothers me...

How To Cram for an Exam

Cramming - some say it is an 'inevitable' part of student life. Or at least, part of a government-servants-who-still- have-to-take-PTK-exams life. Heh.

Yeah, so it is not the ideal style of study, but I believe there are many of us who cram, and who like me, wait until the very last minute to submit our assignments (Hubby used to nag me on this - if the paper was due at 12.00 noon, chances were I would be writing my conclusion at around 11.30 a.m. Yes, I'm a self-confessed procrastinator).

So, how to cram for an exam?

1. Compose yourself. Relax, take several deep breaths to clear the mind.
2. Recite "bismillah" and any 'doa penerang hati'. Remember the one we used to read before the Ustaz/Ustazah begin teaching 'Agama', that goes - "Allahummaftah 'alaina hikmataka wanshur 'alaina min khoza inirohmatika ya arhamarrahimin"...
3. Cover the most difficult information first.
4. Review the main points, general ideas and broad, sweeping concepts - this help understanding the more detailed points
5. Read different materials at different speed. Skim lecture notes (your own or borrowed ones); speed-read less important items, deliberate on critical and difficult works.
6. Take breaks to solat, eat, stretch, relax or exercise. As a general rule, one should take a break for 10 minutes out of every hour.
7. Jot down quick notes, questions or thoughts -it helps improve retention of important points.
8. Nourish yourself - go easy on caffeine and sugar, eat good meals with a balanced ratio of carbohydrates to proteins plus plenty of fruits, vegetables and water.
9. Avoid staying up all night. But if it cannot be avoided, I've been told that repetitious reading of surah Al-Lahab might help to keep one stay awake all night long.

* Adapted from "Cram for an Exam", chapter 9 in Collins eHow "How to do just about everything in the Office", 2004

What's with the "Tuan'?

One poster announced the date & venue of a talk for young PTD.
Written there was the name of the speaker, beginning with "Tuan".
Being a senior officer, I recognize his name and I know that his name does not start with "Tuan". I found that a bit funny - to be addressed as "tuan" in his capacity as a senior officer is one thing, to have his name written as "Tuan XYZ" on the poster announcing the details of a talk is another.

Next to the poster was another poster announcing the details of a workshop, " Do Your Make up Right". The speaker is a reknown male Lancome make-up artist. Nope, no "Tuan" there in his name. Just his name.

Granted, you can't compare a senior PTD to a make-up artist. But was it really necessary to write the former's name beginning with "Tuan"? What's wrong with just "Encik"?

I asked another PTD and she said that "Tuan" is a symbol of respect while "Encik" is too common, you can address simply anybody, the support staff included, as "Encik", but "Tuan" is reserved to the respected ones only.

I must admit that sometimes I feel uneasy when people say that we PTD are a snobbish and arrogant lot. That we like to distance ourselves from the "marha'en". That we, after years of being told to be the "creme de la creme" in the government service, are a Syok Sendiri lot who have huge tendencies to "berlagak", "bongkak", "sombong". But this is exactly the kind of behavior that might lead to the misperception of PTD being the snobbish and arrogant lot. Why do we need to distinguish "Tuan" from "Encik" just because "Encik" is a common way to address everybody? What made us so special?

I don't believe in distancing myself from the support staff or lower officer. That was not the example shown by Rasulullah - he never distanced himself from anybody. If Rasulullah, the numero uno for Muslims never distanced himself from others, who are we - hamba Allah yang serba dhaif - to do so?

So, I found the "Tuan" thingy on the poster a bit disturbing. It is as if we PTD are full of ourselves - when one cannot address a senior PTD with a Dr. or Dato'/Datuk/Tan Sri etc, it has to be "Tuan" then. Addressing a person with "tuan" in real life or in a formal letter/memo does not sound so bad - but on a poster? I mean, seriously?

Again, my question is - what's wrong with using the good ol' "Encik"?
If an 'Encik' was equated to 'Mister', and 'Tuan' to 'Sir', what's wrong with being addressed as a Mister and not a Sir?

How to make small talk

1. Practise. Converse with everyone you encounter - cashiers, waiters, people you're in a queue with, neighbours, co-workers. Chat with people unlike yourself, from the elderly to kids to tourists.
2. Read everything - cookbooks, newspapers, magazines, reviews, signs, catalogues. Everything could provide information that might turn into interesting conversations
3. Immerse yourself in culture, both 'high' and 'low'. TV, music, sports, art and poetry are great sources of chat - whether you are for or against.
4. Expand your horizons. Go home a new way. Try sushi. Play paintball or lawn bowling. Paint a watercolour or a house. Just try something new.
5. Be a better listener. Observe stories that you hear, remember things that you see and you might get an opportunity to share needed info through making small talk.
6. Test yourself - see what you have to say on a random list of topics. Golf, China, soy protein, hip-hop, shoes - the more varied your list, the better.
7. The more you know, the more you know you can talk about.

* Adapted from "Make Small Talk", chapter 170 in Collins eHow "How to do just about everything in the Office", 2004

When he came home late

"Guess who'll reach home first, Ayah or us?," I playfully asked Huzaifah when we started our journey back to Putrajaya after being away from home for four days. I was asked to give a talk in Langkawi, so I thought it would be good to visit my biological mother on the way back, thus I brought all three boys with me, together with my helper and Mak's helper. It was my third trip to Langkawi this year, but the first in which I had to drive all the way to Kuala Perlis alone (during previous trips, I either drove a little or not at all)

We stopped by at Kampung Tunku first on our way back from Kedah. It was almost 10.00 p.m. when I started driving back to Putrajaya, hence me questioning Huzaifah. Hubby had to teach in Labu, his routine on the second and the fourth Sundays of every month, and his 'class' usually ends at around 9.30p.m. followed by dinner which usually ends at 10.30 p.m. or sometimes later.
I thought hubby would be home by 11.30 or 12 midnight the latest. I called his handphone but was immediately connected to his voicemail. When there was no sign of him arriving after midnight, my helper asked me if I would like her to accompany me waiting upstairs. That's our normal routine, when hubby is not around, my bibik would sleep with the children upstairs instead of in her own room downstairs just to keep me company.

I called his handphone again - and got the voicemail.
Numerous calls placed at different times got the same response - the voicemail.

I began to worry.
It's not like hubby to return late without calling first. Or an SMS, at the very least.
Labu is still a remote place after all - with the quiet, large, dark plantations and all.
Anything could happen and there might not be coverage for the phone.
He was not using our car but had to loan my cousin Faiz's Myvi, and who knows what could happen in that dark secluded area where it would not be easy to get access to a tow truck should anything unbecoming happened...

I started making do'a for him. I thought of calling my MIL's place in Seremban, but it was already late and I did not want to bother my MIL at such hour. After all, it could be nothing and I didn't want her - with her hypertension and all - to start fretting about nothing.

But still, I was worried.
Think, think, what could be his reason to be late? "Maybe he went to give the old Imam a visit," or so I told myself, to calm myself down. Hubby had told me about the Imam who had twice experienced stroke and is currently undergoing treatment using BioDisc and already there seems to be signs of recovery for the Imam.

When Baby Haniyya woke up for his midnight/early morning feed at around 2.00 a.m., hubby was still not back.

When Huzaifah 'mengigau' at around 4.00 a.m., hubby was still not back.

While one part of my mind told myself to stay calm, that nothing was wrong; the other half of my mind went "what if? what if?" with all sort of horror stuff. Yes, my imagination can run wild sometimes...

When hubby finally returned at about 5.30 a.m. I wanted to simultaneously punch him and hug him. I kissed his hands instead.

"Why are you late?". It's hard not to sound like a nagging wife after one long restless night.

"Oh, I left something in Rasah, so I went back to Rasah after the class was over in Labu. I felt sleepy so I thought of taking a short nap first before returning home..."

"Why didn't you call?"

"The battery went dead and I really thought it was going to be a short nap. I mean, I didn't intend to spend the night there, but..." He smiled weakly.

Heh, good thing I'm not the kind that stabs her husband when he comes home late.
Seriously, a phone call could put all those unnecessary worries away.
But then, the main point was, he was safe and sound and back home in one piece...
Right then, that's what mattered most and I was really grateful for that, alhamdulillah.
So I gave him a hug.
A tight hug.
And uttered a thankful do'a quietly.

Hero-hero

Huzaifah and Humaidi refused to sit still in the ferry, all the way from Kuala Perlis to Langkawi.
Nothing - no cajoling, persuasion, threats or even cubit - worked to make them stay in the seat for a long time. They ran along the aisle, climbed the windows to take a peek at the ocean and isles, and tried to climb the ladder leading to the VIP area in the ferry.

Good thing that Mak agreed to loan her helper during this trip, so at least I could pass the baton to the younger girl to chase my kids around the ferry. My helper took turn with her chasing & grabbing Huzaifah and Humaidi while I took care of Baby Haniyya. Alhamdulillah Baby Haniyya is not old enough to join his brothers in the merry chase...

I knew that the passengers must had been disturbed by Huzaifah's and Humaidi's shrieks and gleeful cries but there was little I could do to make them completely stop. I nodded and smiled weakly at other passengers around us - pleading silently that they would understand and forgive me for my children behaviour.

But guess who did I see upon entering the hotel lobby after we arrived in Langkawi?
The same group of people who boarded the ferry with me.
And as if it was not enough - Huzaifah demanded a ride in the luggage trolley - insisting that it was his Thomas train and not merely a trolley for transporting luggages. (Alhamdulillah by then Humaidi was asleep - perhaps exhausted due to his non-stop running/climbing/shrieking in the ferry). All the drama in front of the same crowd we had in the ferry.

So, it was no wonder that, when he passed us by, a guy in a ketayap commented to my helper - "Hero hero semuanya, ya?"

Aduh!

Makcik-makcik?

"What happened? Why do you look so makcik-makcik now?"

Alamak!

We haven't seen each other for a year - the last meeting just a brief one while he was waiting for his domestic posting after his term in Bangkok was over. I was happy to be able to meet him while I was in Kuantan yesterday, attending a discussion there. He was among my earliest colleagues, as we used to work in the same department in the old Ministry. Apart from both of us being law graduates from UK - he from Cardiff and I from Leeds, he also married an old classmate in NCUK. And we certainly had gone through a lot together - being under the same irresponsible boss and a workaholic bigger boss. I know Ali has always been honest with me, but well, I was still a bit shocked to hear him making that statement about me looking like a 'makcik'...

I looked at my own picture on his digital camera. He had a point. A valid point. The person standing next to him in the picture looked more like a 'makcik' than someone in her thirties.

Adoi!

Maybe it was the color of my baju kurung, or the glasses, or that I still have a lot of "baby fat" to dispose of - but he had a valid point. I know for a fact that I do look older wearing glasses than contact lenses, but lately after the infection case I went through during Raya, I prefer wearing glasses than lenses.

Oh well...

With Ernie, a clerk in my office who I've grown to love like my own sister

Mak & Ayah's 25th Wedding Anniversary

They say that it calls for a celebration when a couple remain together for a quarter of a century, so I guess that's what prompted Ayah - who for the first time ever, made it a point to celebrate his wedding anniversary with us the children.

We had dinner at Paya Serai Restaurant in PJ Hilton, after my younger brother Abang (who btw has been featured in this month's International Business Journal) reported that the restaurant Ayah was hoping to go to in Section 14 was closed. So PJ Hilton was it.

It was quite a quiet family dinner with just us kids minus the grandchildren. The food was okay (I expected it to be better - proof that it has been long since I last had a meal in PJ Hilton), the price reasonable (less than RM50 per pax) and the chic interior design with metallic and silver shades made an appropiate setting for a dinner celebrating a silver wedding anniversary.

Dear Mak & Ayah,

Twenty five (or twenty four plus one) years of marriage is an amazing feat, especially in this world where statistics had shown that half of all marriages end in divorce. Alhamdulillah, yours remained.

We hope that the ups and downs, the good times and the bad times, the trials and the joyous ocassions, the laughters and the tears, the itches, glitches and gleeful moments, happiness and sorrows, joy and losses that you have endured and gone through together shall serve as the glue that will keep you together with the blessings of Allah subhana wa taala.

Here's a loving do'a that Allah will keep on blessing you with love, patience, courage and strength for both of you to keep on being committed and dedicated to each other.

"In marriage, do thou be wise;
prefer the person before the money,
virtue before beauty
the mind before the body"

With love,
Kak & Amin
2 November 2009

What kindness is...

"Kindness... has an optimal level that makes it a virtue as opposed to a vice.
Too little or too much transforms it into something ugly or suspect.
Too much courage can make one foolhardy,
too much pride can make one haughty,
too much politeness can make one officious,
too much love can make one covetous,
and too much kindness can make one a dupe"

"Leading with kindness", William Baker, Michael O'Malley

What should I do...

I haven't gone to the gym for months now.
I should start going again.

I haven't started writing my 'Travelog di Bumi Sakura'.
I should start writing it.

I haven't visited the list of possible kindergartens/Taski for Huzaifah
I should start visiting.

I need to strenghten threads of relationships to become ropes
I should start working on them.

I feel like I might be happier if I could contribute positively to another's life
But unlike when I was a Malaysian-MA-student-cum-an-Imam's-wife in Tokyo,
I am not quite sure how to play my current role effectively to achieve that.

I know I should start making changes.
Can anyone tell me where to start?

All pink - part 2

All pink in the office

"So you wore pink - what difference does it make to a breast cancer sufferer? Wearing pink without putting in effort or contributing towards cancer research or as such, is simply meaningless..."

Someone uttered in a tone laced with disdain.

Ok, granted, I've never contributed financially towards breast cancer research.
And to my limited knowledge, no one in my family had suffered from breast cancer.
And that day when the whole sector wore pink, nobody suggested for us to make financial contribution towards cancer research.
But others from different sectors noticed us wearing pink and asked us why.
That to me, was our small contribution towards raising awareness of breast cancer.
It shows, in a small way, (perhaps insignificant to some) that we care.


Personally, I don't pass by the red cooking oil, Carotino in the supermarket aisle without remembering Auntie Umi, my friend Aidil's mother. It came as a big surprise when we first learned about Auntie Umi's illness. She breastfed all 4 children, no one in her family had been diagnosed with cancer before, she was an active person and pretty much lived and ate healthily. Proof that it could happen to anyone - regardless of what the doctors list as risk factors.

What I do remember about her -
She fought hard, but she did not became all hard and bitter in her fight.
She cried, but she also smiled, putting up a brave front so that others would not cry for her.
She must had gone through lot of pain, but I remember her jovial self more .
In her quiet tone when she answered questions about her pain , I could sense her strong determination to fight, fight, fight until the last drop.
She made a lot of changes in her diet and her lifestyle - Carotino and plenty of soy milk forming part of it.

I did not have the opportunity to visit her when her condition must had deteriorated towards the end of her life, but I'm sure that she must had gone in peace.
There was a lot of strength shown by someone who could accept her condition, fought hard yet still counted her blessings and at peace with herself.


So, yes, perhaps wearing pink might constitute a small, insignificant thing to do, when many are fighting the cancer and others are taking care of their loved ones who had been diagnosed with this cancer.
Still, the main intention is to show our support and letting those who are suffering to know that they are not alone, that people actually do care, and that some of them (like Auntie Umi to me) are in our heart, thoughts and prayers.

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"My Only Wish"

A poem read by an 8 year old boy at Criminalise War International Conference & Exhibition, Kuala Lumpur, 28 September 2009

My Only Wish

All your armies

All your fighters

All your tanks

And all your soldiers

Against a boy

Holding a stone

Standing there, all alone

In his eyes, I see the sun

In his smile, I see the moon

And I wonder, I only wonder

Who is weak, and who is strong?

Who is right, and who is wrong?

And I wish, I only wish

That the truth, has begun

* Picture taken from here

Rampai Raya 1430H - the pics

Some pictures taken during Raya season
Yes, I know, yet another belated post...
Still, late is better than never, kan?

Raya morning - when Humaidi went cranky and refused to stand still

Taken when Humaidi was calmer but apparently the baton had been passed over to Huzaifah. Well, looks like it's going to be some years before we can take 'proper' family Raya photo...

Raya afternoon - when the kids' baju melayu went all smeared with don't-know-whats

(taken during a short interval at MIL's place before we continued visiting others)

Hubby had a change of clothes too, because otherwise people keep mistaken his nephews and niece as his

(baju sama warna)

Ayah really enjoyed his newly found long-lost-favorite nasi kandar - licin pinggan, with my brother Amirul in a finger lickin' good pose.

Part of the Hj Hassan clan in a kopitiam in Penang

My brother Azrul, SIL Sarah (who was then heavily pregnant with baby Balqis) & Uwais

Baby Haniyya

Huzaifah and Humaidi watching TV

For some reason, I found the mock 'tie' that comes with Humaidi's/Haniyya's shirt to be quite cute

Chik Ma, Pak Chik, Ayah Tam and Mak Tam sharing a light moment during breakfast

The Hj Hassan clan basically 'conquered' all the tables next to the pool during breakfast.

Seen here: Teh, Atiqah, Ayah Lang - with Firdhaus and Eda in the background

Nyah, Ijan, Ain, Iman, Mak and Syahril

Among the male cousins

Huzaifah and Humaidi had a gall time in the swimming pool

Huzaifah especially loves basking in the sun and playing with the white beach sand

The 3 families reunion at Che Lee's place in Taman PKNK, Alor Setar

All Pink - Breast Cancer Awareness

SMS from the sectoral boss' Personal Assisstant last night read as:

"Dear Sir/Madam,
We in the sector have agreed to wear pink tomorrow to raise awareness of the Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Join us?"

Pink for the ladies is no big deal, yet for the guys could be quite a problem. Oh well, at least chances are, none of them would be suspended for wearing pink at work.

In the sectoral esprit de corp, I put on a pair of pink baju kurung. Not a big deal for me - I have two pairs of pink baju kurung. Although I'm not a fan of pink, I've been told that I look better in pink compared to more earthy tones which I preferred. Ehcheh.

Anyway - the main point is to raise awareness for Breast Cancer, and I think that's a noble cause worthy of support especially among the ladies. Turned out - four male officers wear pink today, with one wearing red striped shirt and yet another puts on a red tie since they have neither pink shirts nor pink ties. Well, I supposed that could still be considered as in support of the "let's wear pink" campaign. An elder officer joked that the nearest-to-pink piece of garment he owns is a pair of brief, but surely no one cares to see him wearing his brief in Superman style (urghhhh, nooooo...)

Anyway, why bother asking everyone's support? Well, according to the American Cancer Society, roughly 1,720 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009. It might not affect the men as much as women but still, Breast Cancer affects everyone.

#####

* Risk factors of Breast Cancer

• Personal history: A woman who had breast cancer in one breast has an increased risk of getting cancer in her other breast.
• Family history: A woman's risk of breast cancer is higher if her mother, sister, or daughter had breast cancer. The risk is higher if her family member got breast cancer before age 40. Having other relatives with breast cancer (in either her mother's or father's family) may also increase a woman's risk.
• Certain changes: Some women have cells in the breast that look abnormal under a microscope. Having certain types of abnormal cells (atypical hyperplasia and lobular carcinoma in situ [LCIS]) increases the risk of breast cancer.
• Race: Breast cancer is diagnosed more often in Caucasian women than others
• Inactivity: Women who are physically inactive throughout life may have an increased risk of breast cancer. Being active may help decrease risk.

Easy steps to help curtail one's chances of getting breast cancer:

1. Stay at ideal weight
2. Exercise. As little as 30 minutes a day will help.
3. Follow a healthy diet, eat right.
4. No smoking.
5. Go for timely health check-ups; early detection is the best defense.

* (Source: Wikipedia)

P/S: While it's quite late in the month, I'll keep this pink template until the end of this month, insya Allah

Tragedi Oktober

Some stuff that happened in October...

• The ceiling fan in Mak's house went on fire one Sunday night.
• A thief forced an entry into MIL's house in Rasah.
• My biological mother broke her knee when she stumbled over a child bar meant for my half-brother's child at the toilet.

1. That night we were in Kampung Tunku. Hubby and I were both exhausted and planned on returning to Putrajaya after a nap. Next thing we knew, our helper was yelling "Pak Ustaz! Kakak! Api! Api!" Quickly woke hubby up and went down. The ceiling fan in the living hall glowed with fire as some flames dropped and crackled on the carpet beneath it.

"Air! (Water) Air!" Ayah shouted in the otherwise dark house, as Ayah had already shut the main electricity switch off. "Bawak anak-anak keluar! Keluar!" he ordered my helper

The house had partially burnt down due to a fire caused by electrical short circuit in 1987. Seeing the ceiling fan on fire caused a small chaos for a while.

Someone collected water in buckets (in the dark) and hubby was the one strong enough to hurl the water high enough to reach the high ceiling fan. I remember helping removing the carpet from beneath the blazing ceiling fan which had started dripping too.

I asked Mak who has called 999, but in the confusion everybody seemed to forget to bring our handphone. I quickly went up and groped for my handphone on the bed, found it and quickly went down. By then the fire had already been extinguished, so it was no longer necessary to call the fire engine.

"Call TNB," Mak (or was it Ayah?) instructed. I tried called the directory assistance number and asked for TNB emergency number. Was asked to call 15454, the 24/7 TNB Careline number. Could not call 15454 on my U Mobile phone, so switched to Mak's Celcom line. (In the chaos, Ayah's phone somehow got wet and could not be used) and succeeded in getting to TNB.

TNB was aware that something was wrong with the electricity supply in our house. Just when I uttered "No 8..." the guy on the line quickly finished reading out the house address. Hmm, impressive... He wanted to confirm to location of "Kampung Tunku" (in Petaling Jaya) and said that some TNB guys would be with us soon.

"Soon" turned out to be 40-50 minutes. Two guys, Siva and Ramesh, came and checked on the electricity main switch, reprimanded us for extinguishing the fire using water (as it could conduct electricity and cause electrical shock when the water reached the floor) and assured us that it was okay for us to switch on lights and all again.

While we had learned about water being electric conductor ages ago, and Ayah actually has a proper fire extinguisher in his room, none of us remembered these two facts when we first realized that the ceiling fan was on fire. (Yeah, blame it on being panic.)

No wonder there was a strong burning smell since early evening but we could not track its origin. According to my helper, at around 11 p.m., when the other helper (my brother's who later on ran away) started switching off the lights in the ground floor, the fan suddenly started moving. My helper asked the other helper if she had switched on the ceiling fan, to which she adamantly replied no. And then the ceiling fan started to emit some orangish lights, followed by some crackles, and whoosh - it was on fire!

To be continued